This month, as we labour under the amorous influence of St. Valentine, and the erotic mischief of Cupid, local Author and Life Coach, Dave Robson, ventures into the notorious minefield of relationships…
Let’s begin with the basics.
First ask yourself, “What do I want in a relationship?”
If you’re looking for a sustainable, long-term relationship, begin by choosing a suitable partner. This may sound obvious but many people settle for the first person who comes along, a risky strategy and one that often leads to regrets.
So how do you find a suitable partner, what makes them suitable, how do you know when they are suitable, and how do you attract such a person?
A suitable partner is someone with whom there is mutual attraction and who shares social, recreational, work and/or cultural values with you. It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect another person to change to fit your ideal model. You need to be able to accept each other exactly as you both are, unconditionally. Only when you feel accepted and validated exactly as you are, can you relax and feel at home with yourself and the other person, and fully able to express your unique self.
Start by looking inside to discover and define what you want in your prospective partner, hence my first question. You can’t know if your needs are likely to be met in a potential relationship unless you consciously state what those needs are. There’s too much at stake to leave this to chance.
Be honest, make a list of everything you want in precise detail. This may sound un-romantic but it works, and often leads to romance if that’s what you want. And don’t just write down the physical attributes you seek, include deeper qualities too.
I used this technique myself some 16 years ago when I found myself footloose and ready for a new relationship. Then as I began to meet women I could tell pretty soon if one was a likely candidate.
When I drew up my list, one thing I specified was a woman who would actively share my passion for sailing. And that’s exactly what I got. As a result we’ve had many years of wonderful holidays afloat, exploring Solent, English Channel, Bay of Biscay, Mediterranean, Aegean and Caribbean waters.
Once you have your list, there are many ways you can go. One client made and refined his list and then tried internet dating, and soon he identified his ideal suitable partner. They are now happily building their relationship.
Of course nobody can guarantee success or a problem–free process. But you can stack the odds in your favour by choosing a suitable partner as your first step. This is vital when you consider that the divorce rate for first time marriages in the UK is close to 50%!
Try it and let me know how you get on.
E-mail Dave at [email protected]
Follow Dave on Twitter: @DaveRobson
For more information: www.daverobsoncoaching.co.uk
Dave’s book: www.thefivepillarsofhappiness.com
Dave’s blog: www.askdaverobson.wordpress.com