The vast majority of the people I meet are already far more successful than they realise. Are you one of them?
There are many ways to put yourself down and failing to recognise your successes is one of the big ones. This negative habit can have a disastrous effect on your self-esteem and self-belief, and it makes your next batch of achievements that much harder until, guess what? You feel completely stressed out, exhausted, demoralized and demotivated. And more often than not, this unconscious belief that you are not an achiever is completely unjustified in almost every case.
Think about it like this and you’ll see what I mean: Let’s say you have 100 things to do today and you do ninety nine of them very well but one goes pear-shaped. Which is the one task you dwell on and beat yourself up about all evening and maybe into the next day? The one that went wrong of course. That’s only natural.
But in doing that you fail to give yourself credit for the ninety nine things you did that went right. You forget all about them. That is clearly not a balanced view of what happened.
Here’s another example: You are driving and you have a crash, writing off your car. If the accident was your fault, immediately you start to blame yourself and wonder if you’re a bad driver. But look at the thousands of car journeys you have conducted safely and without mishap. Do they count for nothing? Of course you must take responsibility for your part in the accident, but if you allow yourself to think negatively of yourself it can completely destroy your confidence behind the wheel, and then you might indeed become a dangerous driver through being nervous and indecisive.
As with everything in life, once you get over the immediate trauma, take a balanced view and always try to see the bigger picture. You are human. You made a mistake. Is that a reason to think badly of yourself?
Consider the wise words from author Marian Williamson who says,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
The key words, “Your playing small does not serve the world,” says it all.
So wake up, see what you are doing and don’t play small. Remember, “there is nothing enlightened about shrinking… We are meant to shine…” The British are supposed to be good at modesty but all too often its false modesty. I certainly don’t advocate bragging, aggressive, arrogant, narcissistic or egotistical behaviour. Just keep things in balance, don’t put yourself down, appreciate yourself and what you can do, do what you love – what you can excel at – and automatically your own light will shine.
For details of Dave’s coaching programmes go to www.daverobsoncoaching.co.uk
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Dave’s book: www.thefivepillarsofhappiness.com